Hey writing click members and viewers of my blogs this is an exclusive writing. Its a about 20 pages of my pure hidden thoughts. An yes I am ok, a reminder I am a writer this is how I express my self.I am ok physically.This is where the dark shows threw in my name.
Don’t Interrupt My Suicide July 1, 2007
(Thoughts rushing out of my heart and flowing on to an edge of a blade, I feel like the edge of a razor blade.)-LOVEDARKPASSION
I have always had feelings on how I want my ending to be. When I say my ending I mean my death. I have thought about death since I was about 4. My dog Bullet died. I didn’t understand why he died or what caused it. Then I realized he wasn’t coming back. He didn’t come back because my family put him to sleep. I woke up from a dream remembering this about my dog when I was 7. I guess when you have tons of people around you dieing you get flash backs to those little things. My father died when I was almost 7, his death triggered the memory of Bullet.
The sad thing about this is Bullet was my dog; he became ill with a worm, that’s why my mom put him to sleep. She didn’t want him to suffer, neither does or did I. I miss Bullet now and I really missed him then. My father on the other hand I never missed. I felt more sad for my dog then my own father. My father I never knew. I remember my mother making me go to the funeral. I didn’t want to attend because I didn’t know him and half of the other people there. But I didn’t get a say so .I was only 7. My dad’s funeral was packed; they didn’t have a seat for me or my mother. I remember the funeral director pulling up a cold metal chair so I could sit up front, up front where the dead body was. It rained like cats and dogs that whole week, my father couldn’t be buried that day. They waited for the next day to do it, I didn’t go at all. To this day I don’t know where my father is buried and you want to know something I don’t give a damn to know. He was never around when I was younger, just my dog Bullet. You know they always say a dog is a mans best friend, but they are wrong the dog was my best friend. And I am definitely not a man.
I often wondered if my dad would have been around more if I was boy or a horse. You know the old cliché about men and there sons. So I cant help to think. He loved horses so if I was a horse would he have stuck around? Or would he still have abandoned me. My mom put Bullet to peace because he was ill, my heart is ill I want to rest. My heart is filled with raging steam against my dad. It hurts its just like having worms. Again Bullet was hurting, he is dead. I often want to be euthanized like him. Maybe when the time is right I will execute my ending on my own terms.
I want my ending to be really peaceful. This is why I am getting the steam out of my heart. I don’t love my dad like a daughter should, why? I don’t know him how can you love something you don’t know. I love God; I haven’t seen God in a physical since, but in a spiritual since. I love my mom because the bible says so. I like my dad because God would want me to. Love him I cant, I just like.
(Don’t interrupt my suicide)-Pre thoughts
Come back to hear the rest of my dark hidden thoughts. Exclusive Writings
LoveDarkPassion©
(Thoughts rushing out of my heart and flowing on to an edge of a blade, I feel like the edge of a razor blade.)-LOVEDARKPASSION
I have always had feelings on how I want my ending to be. When I say my ending I mean my death. I have thought about death since I was about 4. My dog Bullet died. I didn’t understand why he died or what caused it. Then I realized he wasn’t coming back. He didn’t come back because my family put him to sleep. I woke up from a dream remembering this about my dog when I was 7. I guess when you have tons of people around you dieing you get flash backs to those little things. My father died when I was almost 7, his death triggered the memory of Bullet.
The sad thing about this is Bullet was my dog; he became ill with a worm, that’s why my mom put him to sleep. She didn’t want him to suffer, neither does or did I. I miss Bullet now and I really missed him then. My father on the other hand I never missed. I felt more sad for my dog then my own father. My father I never knew. I remember my mother making me go to the funeral. I didn’t want to attend because I didn’t know him and half of the other people there. But I didn’t get a say so .I was only 7. My dad’s funeral was packed; they didn’t have a seat for me or my mother. I remember the funeral director pulling up a cold metal chair so I could sit up front, up front where the dead body was. It rained like cats and dogs that whole week, my father couldn’t be buried that day. They waited for the next day to do it, I didn’t go at all. To this day I don’t know where my father is buried and you want to know something I don’t give a damn to know. He was never around when I was younger, just my dog Bullet. You know they always say a dog is a mans best friend, but they are wrong the dog was my best friend. And I am definitely not a man.
I often wondered if my dad would have been around more if I was boy or a horse. You know the old cliché about men and there sons. So I cant help to think. He loved horses so if I was a horse would he have stuck around? Or would he still have abandoned me. My mom put Bullet to peace because he was ill, my heart is ill I want to rest. My heart is filled with raging steam against my dad. It hurts its just like having worms. Again Bullet was hurting, he is dead. I often want to be euthanized like him. Maybe when the time is right I will execute my ending on my own terms.
I want my ending to be really peaceful. This is why I am getting the steam out of my heart. I don’t love my dad like a daughter should, why? I don’t know him how can you love something you don’t know. I love God; I haven’t seen God in a physical since, but in a spiritual since. I love my mom because the bible says so. I like my dad because God would want me to. Love him I cant, I just like.
(Don’t interrupt my suicide)-Pre thoughts
Come back to hear the rest of my dark hidden thoughts. Exclusive Writings
LoveDarkPassion©
